The Romantic Nerd

Feelings, those squirmy hard to get a grip on things that course through us on a daily basis. Our emotions often will define our actions. When we are angry we show it and when we are sad it’s written in the way we talk and the way we act. Why then do we not declare our love when it is there? Why do we choose to whisper such a strong emotion when it surges through us like a lion’s roar? When we are hurt we are not afraid to say so. When we are in love we worry about it and often we won’t come out and say it to the object of our affection.

I feel that this is wrong. I’m shy, make no mistake i’m not as bold as King Arthur. When I used to get those first inklings of love I would hide them as best I could or I would contain them to my poetry. Now though, I will tell someone when I like them as soon as I feel it. Not only does this give me an excuse to talk to someone I like but it tends to make them smile, and who doesn’t enjoy making someone smile?

My suggestion here is that when you have feelings of like or love they should be proclaimed with the same speed as we proclaim our other feelings. Now i’m not saying that it’s good to tell random strangers or committed people that you like them. But if you enjoy their company, could or have spent hours talking to them and know that you like them then tell them. Even if nothing large comes of it you will of still brightened their day, because everyone can take solace in knowing there are those that care about them.

Displays of affection, they don’t have to be on par with Michael Bay’s use of fireworks, explosions, and gigantic robots. All they have to do is make him/her smile and see that you care.

But I have told them i love them, isn’t that enough?

In short, no.

Why not?

Love, particularly romantic love, needs to be expressed beyond those three words in order to flourish. The sweet gestures and presents cover the bases that the words can’t. Unless you have Morgan Freemans’ voice simply saying “i love you” will begin to feel a little over used and lose some of it’s effect. To avoid this trivialization, it’s important to show your love. Remember, actions speak louder than words. Watching the sunset together after a romantic picnic on the beach certainly says you care in more ways than saying “I love you” does.

Okay, I’m on board. But how can i show my feelings?

Showing affection is simple and can be the smallest of things. A kiss in the morning before work, a text during the day to ask how they are, a flower or even spontaneous dinner date are all simple things you can do to let your partner know you care.

Those are all nice, but what can I do to go the extra mile?

I’m so glad you asked! This is all about how big your imagination is. For starters think back and make a list of all the times you’ve seen your partner happy. What happened that made them so happy? Did you do it or was it something else? What can you repeat or better yet create that combines things that made them happy with new things? For example if you gave your girlfriend a rose and she loved it, try doing that again but give her a rose and a poem, just add something extra to show you really care.

If you’re really struggling I have created a small list of things you can do to show you care.

1. Kiss in the morning before work
2. Meet them for lunch during the work day
3. Flowers delivered to them
4. A spontaneous dinner date
5. Texts that ask how they are
6. Write them a poem
7. Give them a love letter
8. Sing them a song
9. Send them a cute picture
10. Hold their hand in public
11. Dance with them at home
12. Have a candle lit dinner

Remember, the sky’s the limit here, just aim to make them smile and laugh. Often just putting the effort in is enough.

We all want our dreams now. We want to be level 85, we want to be the top level of prestige, we all want and want and want and we have to have it all now. But the real world does not work that way. We have to grind our way through life and no matter how much power-leveling or cheat codes we implement we still have to do some work. That work always requires moments of waiting. When in or out of a relationship, patience is perhaps our best tool and one we rarely implement. So today I’ve decided to discuss patience and the effect having it can have on your relationship and life in general.

Here’s the problem i’ve seen with not having patience. When we rush things or refuse to wait we muddle something good or get worried. That worry then turns into a fear which causes us to act irrationally. Haven’t you ever had a moment where you think “man if only i’d waited two seconds i wouldn’t have sent that dumb text, or if only i hadn’t opened my dumb mouth?” Of course once we send that message or say that thing we inevitably make it worse for ourselves an become ever more worried and impatient.

Well what can i do? i’m not an Ent…

Here’s the truth of the matter, you don’t have to be as patient as an Ent but the wise words of Treebeard, ” You must understand, young Hobbit, it takes a long time to say anything in Old Entish. And we never say anything unless it is worth taking a long time to say.” are words worth listening to. When we are about to speak we should stop just for a moment and ask ourselves one of three questions, just to make sure we are not acting impatiently or irrationally.

• First ask yourself, “Is what i’m about to say going to help the situation?” For example your boyfriend or girlfriend has told you they are running late and you have already waited half an hour for them. Is calling them or texting them and asking “where are you?” going to get them their any faster? Probably not, they told you they would be late and unless they have said specifically that they would be an hour late it’s best to trust that they are making it their as quickly as possible. If you are worried though about them just send them a cute message that they can easily reply to should they be in a rush to meet you. If you do that then you won’t be worried because they will likely respond and they will like you more for patiently waiting for them.

• Second think to yourself “is what i’m about to say something i haven’t just asked?” If you’ve just asked someone what they’re doing and they have told you than you don’t really need to ask them that same question ten minutes later. Nobody likes to be nagged. Just take a deep breath and wait patiently for them to get back to you.

• The third thing you can ask yourself to ensure that you are in fact being a patient person is “is what i’m about to say so important that it can’t wait?”. To be fair this question applies more to situations where maybe it’s best to listen and not speak.

What can i do to occupy my time of waiting?

Great question! You’ve caught on to the fact that while we wait for things it is best to have some sort of distraction that will pass the time. For example I tend to carry a notebook or my ipod around with me. My ipod has music i can listen to and games i can play to pass the time i am stuck waiting for someone. So while i might not really be patient and capable of sitting still i can still demonstrate patience by avidly slicing fruit in half until whatever it is i am waiting for occurs.

What does having patience really do for me though?

Having patience is more about the affect you have on others. If you are able to be patient and not pester someone constantly than they will see you in a better light. But if you need a purely “me” reason than having patience and developing good ways to wait for things will lower stress levels. By simply waiting and not acting rashly we can avoid many stressful situations in our lives. Give waiting a try.

For a lot of us though patience is something hard to grasp, especially with today’s instant access to just about everything through the world wide web. So i’d like to know what do you do when you’re feeling impatient? Did acting on an impulse in a moment of impatience improve the situation or would waiting have been better? Let me know either in a comment, email, or on the facebook page. http://www.facebook.com/RomanticNerd

Valentines Day

It’s the one day every year where you are typically expected to hand over a box of chocolates and flowers to that person you love. The box of chocolates and flowers present is a little cliche and might not be the best idea for the second year or more year in a row. But, Verin, what else can i do, I’m just a broke university student and i spent all my money on my subscription to Call of Duty Elite. Have no fear loyal reader, i will be providing a detailed list of things to do on Valentines day on and off a budget. The most important thing to keep in mind during this whole ordeal is that you are showing your partner that they are loved and special to you.

Valentines day presents without a budget.  So that wonderful hallmark holiday is coming up and this year you have decided to go all out. Well let’s get right to it then.

Now every valentine is different but here are some basic nerdy and non-nerdy presents you can get your boyfriend or girlfriend:

Girlfriend

• A necklace in a design that reflects who she is or what she means to you. An example would be if she is Irish and loves her heritage get her a necklace with a Celtic design. You can also include an engraving either in Celtic or in plain old English.  When it comes to engravings aim for something personal and not cliché.

• Any other sort of jewelry, such as bracelets, rings and earrings that can contain their birthstone or a more expensive gem.

• An all inclusive trip to the spa is a great way to both show your love and make your wonderful girlfriend feel beautiful.

• Flowers delivered to her place of work or waiting for her when she gets home. Now it is important to include a personalized note with these flowers. The note lets you make use of your imagination and romantically address them with sweet words.

• If she is a gamer consider getting her something related to gaming that shows your love such as a t-shirt. If you are really looking to wow her get both you and her tickets to one of the many big conventions such as Blizzcon.

• Giving her non-lingerie oriented clothing such as scarfs, sweaters, and as previously mentioned shirts are good too.

• Concert tickets to her favorite band or tickets to her favorite play if she enjoys theater.

Boyfriend

• If your boyfriend is nerdy or a gamer you can get him a new personalized gaming mouse or headsets even. Though those can be rather expensive even off a budget.

• (this can be for either boy or girl), If he has been talking about a new game that’s out or about to come out consider pre-ordering it for him. Just make sure that he hasn’t already done so.

• Guys always need clothing, even when we don’t move we tend to get holes in our shirts. If you’re looking to get your guy to wear new clothes this is a great time to go out and buy him something he will look good in. Such as a Diablo 3 hoodie or something less nerdy.

• Some guys will wear necklaces so there is the possibility to get him some sort of personalized jewelry such as dog tags with love notes on them or metal guitar picks with both your initials on them.

• Hats. Most guys wear hats and on Valentines day you can go out and buy him a new one that you know he will look good in.

• Almost anything nowadays, from lighters to cellphone cases, can be personalized and wrapped up as a thoughtful romantic gift. Just choose something that they will use or wear often.

Valentines day dates without a budget.

• Take them out to a restaurant that requires you both to dress up a little bit. To be safe choose a place that you know they will enjoy. If you want to make this a surprise and have no idea what sort of foods he/she likes then ask their friends and get them in on it too.

• If you managed to get them tickets to a play or concert on valentines day keep it a surprise until the day of, just make sure they know to keep their schedule clear for that day.

• In general when planning a date off a budget let your imagination run rampant. If they are the sort to enjoy a group of people playing Mozart while you dine in a fancy restaurant than go for it. If you don’t need to worry about how much you spend then the skies the limit. Just keep in mind that they might be on a budget and not spending too much on them will make them feel better when they hand you your present.

Valentines day presents on a budget.

• These are my favorite gifts because often they are the ones that require more thought and love.

• A photo album detailing how you two first met complete with cute comments

• a C.D. with all of their favorite songs or all the love songs that best describe your feelings.

• Try your hand at poetry and include a single rose with the note.

• Fill the book they are reading or pockets of their jacket with little love notes.

• If you can draw then draw an image of the both of you together.

• Sing them a love song.

Valentines day dates on a budget.

• Make dinner together. Do the shopping together and pick out all your favorite things, then go home and cook them together. Light candles and if you’re really feeling the romantic spirit put on some music and dance around the kitchen together.

• If the weather outside is nice have a picnic outside or if in a warmer climate, take a drive to the beach and spend a day in the sun together.

No matter what you do on Valentines day it’s important to spend time with your partner and shower them in affection all day. It’s a special day so don’t worry about being overly clingy, you’re supposed to spend as much time as possible together.

Talking, words, using your voice for more than screaming directions before your group wipes. I know, radical thinking here but there are other ways to use your voice.

Many of us suffer from an inability to speak to our family let alone people we just met. First impressions are important when you first meet someone and so today I will be discussing ways to speak in a language that isn’t g33k.

Let’s face it, first impressions are important. When meeting someone new nobody wants to be seen as Gollum. So let’s go over the basics:

 Introduce yourself by simply saying “Hi, i’m <insert name>, what’s your name?” All we’re doing here is starting the conversation. Some things to keep in mind though when introducing yourself. Stay about an arms length apart, don’t breathe down their necks. It’s important to make them feel comfortable around you from the get go, people don’t like their personal space immediately invaded.

Make Eye Contact, don’t stare off to your right or left, in fact don’t stare at them like you would a pile of gold either. Make eye contact with them when you talk to them and remember to blink regularly. This will make you appear more confident, even if by now you feel like crawling back into your inner sanctum.

What to talk about, if you’re looking to be friends or hoping to date them you can’t really just go from “Hey my name is..” to “want to go out Friday?”. That’s a little to sudden, and you want to build a connection with them first. When it comes to topics start off with a casual compliment either about them or what they are doing. For example if they are wearing a Starcraft t-shirt or something you can relate to say something complimentary followed up by a question. For example “Awesome t-shirt, what do you play as?” If they aren’t a fellow nerd you can always start off by talking about something casual. If you’ve both been waiting for a bus for awhile start off by asking how long they’ve been there for. The goal is to get some sort of dialogue going between you two.

Not being too overbearing, it’s not a large pile of loot, it’s another person you are dealing with. Keep that in mind when you are talking. You can’t just rush in there guns a’blazin, and at the same time you can’t just turn on stealth mode. Talk about whatever you need to with them but make sure to laugh, make eye contact, and speak clearly. If you need to take a couple deep breaths while they talk to calm yourself down. Things to avoid. Unless, you are at a convention don’t start off by talking about your level 85 paladin or your new deck of cards, save that for after you get to know each other better.

Ending the conversation, every conversation must have it’s end and while it’s important to know when to end it it is far more important to know how to end it with positive results. If you are looking to talk to this person again there is a simple way to do this. Start by saying that it was great to meet them, use their name when you say it. If they say it was nice meeting you too then you can ask them for their number. In practice it should go like this. You: “It was really nice meeting you Sarah”  Them: “It was really nice meeting you too Jim” You: “I gotta run, but i would like to see you again , if you’re not doing anything this Friday we could grab lunch.”  From there if they are interested you can exchange numbers and continue on your merry way. Now as much as you might want to do not text them for at least a day, it builds up a little mystery and give you time to plan the date out.

Best wishes to you all. Please write me a comment either below or on our facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/RomanticNerd). I’d love to know how this advice helps you. What you do when you meet someone new? What else do you have trouble with?

It’s a Friday night. That means you’re at home raiding with the guild or on modern warfare shooting up the other team. Maybe you’re reading a novel or stuck in the library studying for your exams that are coming up. Perhaps you’re in an alcove at your favorite comic shop flipping through pages of wonder and adventure.  Or you’re adventuring through Azeroth. Whatever it is that you’re doing it probably isn’t terribly romantic or winning you points with someone special.

We are the so called hopeless cases of the world when it comes to dating. We wonder if we’ll ever find a girlfriend or boyfriend we can have a romantic relationship with. However on those amazing occasions when we do find someone to play Mario kart with late into the night, we think to ourselves “how on earth am i  going to hold onto this person.”

Well don’t you worry I’m here to lend you a hand and tell you what I know about being the most romantic nerd possible. What qualifies me for this job you might ask? Well nothing more than an over active imagination and years of time spent dating and gaming. I’m just a dorky guy who believes chivalry is not dead and that romance is an integral part to maintaining a healthy relationship.

So let’s get started. I mean you want to be the paladin with the loving priestess don’t you?

Here’s some things to get us started down the right path.

• Get away from the computer, put the controller down and go out. Now I know what you’re thinking us nerds don’t get the girls when we walk into our local bar. That isn’t what I’m suggesting. I’m suggesting that you go outside and brave the evil that is sunlight. Get out there and go to comicon or blizzcon. Go down to your local card or gaming store and talk to the people there, socialize and get to know your real world nerd community and build the social confidence you need to succeed.

• Once you have gained the confidence from going to these events and putting yourself out there, you’ll begin finding many people you’ve got a lot in common with. The strongest relationships are those borne of a common interest, so to that effect look first in your community and within the scope of the activities you enjoy. For example a buddy of mine and his girlfriend of two years met at a tournament for magic the gathering, he asked her out after she destroyed him. Their first date was to the pre-release of the newest set.

• Great! You’ve gotten out there, you’ll be surprised to find that many people just like you are around and looking for their Knight in shinning high tech gear. The best thing you can do to break the romantic ice and begin dating is simple. Start asking them to go out with you to the new superhero movie or the new scifi movie. Put yourself out there in an environment you’re comfortable with and remember hold the door and buy a snack or two. You don’t have to pay for everything but little gifts are a great way to show affection.

So get out there and go to these social events we can all be ourselves at, because in order to be romantic we all need a second player.

Well now….

The Romantic Nerd is a place dedicated to the idea that everyone, no matter how dorky, has the potential to be the romantic loving partner in any relationship.

Through personal experience and talks with successful couples on how to keep romance alive from courtship to marriage, this site is devoted to helping those of us, who are more inclined to be raiding than dating, become the romantic figures we so enjoy reading about.

Every week there will be a new article on something pertaining to relationships; be it dating, self confidence builders, or how to talk to those members of the opposite sex who might not know or care about a 2.0 kill-death ratio.

The site is currently divided into two main sections. As the site progresses more will likely be added.

The Articles and The Writing’s of Verin

Verin is my pen name as well as my gamer tag. Along with being a nerd i enjoy writing both poetry and prose. As a way to promote my writing and give it a showcase of sorts i will be posting chapters, poems and short stories. The dream with this section is to one day get noticed by someone other than a tax collector.

The Articles were explained above. Within that section i will attempt to help those out there struggling with romance. I’ll do my best to provide helpful insight on how to become a modern day knight in shinning armor. I’m doing this because i feel that we need more chivalry and less jersey shore.